Before you go putting on your judgment glasses, this a different type of article purely expressing my critical thinking and battles that I have internally. These spiritual entries come from my personal hand-written journal and the only reason I have the courage to share them for the world to see is to hopefully help someone who may be thinking exactly what I am. And I believe a Higher power told me someone would need it.
If you noticed the headline, you may have formed your own thoughts already about the scope of this article. Whatever you are thinking…I need you to throw it out of the window! Good or bad. Because this contributes to the problem of this weird trend I see. We are allowed to and should think differently and not be shamed for it. So many stay silent because they’re afraid of being shunned or they become vocal about things they don’t even know if they believe just to avoid the insecurity of being different.
Since I’ve fully embraced and have mentally committed to finding and walking with the Lord, I’m noticing so many others are doing and have done the same. Whether it’s the universe, God, Allah, Buddha, etc. it’s all under this big umbrella of being “spiritual”. Have you heard someone say, “Oh I’m not religious, I’m spiritual”? Yeah, a lot of these people are out and vocal now.
Now, I’m not saying I think even one person is being fraudulent…but I’m just questioning their intentions AND even my own. Like, are we really feeling and believing the things we can’t see or touch? Or are we just talking because we see successful people exclaiming their love for their beliefs (and we want some of that)? Are we clout chasing (for lack of a better expression)?
My journey to God
Photo credit: @pascalphotographs
Growing up, I was not in the Church. Now, I have family members that are heavily involved in their church. My grandparents for instance, they went to church every Sunday and Wednesday (for bible study) but I only stayed with them during the summer when I was young. So that’s really the only time I got some church in. My father worked on the weekends so attending church wasn’t really an option or desire for us.
So I didn’t think about God often. And when I did, honestly I was always confused and skeptical. Like, how in the world did a virgin really give birth to Jesus? How could Moses have possibly parted the Red Sea? So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego really got tossed in a fire and walked out unscathed? I was skeptical because I never saw current examples that it could possibly be true.
The one thing I had that kept me from being a so-called “atheist” was wondering how the hell did people even populate the Earth? How did that first person really come about? I knew this answer was much bigger than me but it was just so much for me to process. But the thing is…I’m a human and it’s not my job to. That’s what I’ve now accepted, happily. I don’t know why the human experience leaves us with so many unanswered questions but maybe one day we’ll find out.
It wasn’t until a boyfriend and I were talking about spirituality and God that he connected dots for me and I had my a-ha and woosah moment. He said, “I know God is real because why does everything work perfectly to sustain us?” For the most part, all the animals (including humans) have something to nourish them and keep them alive. Plants release the oxygen we need and release the carbon dioxide they need. The ecosystem of precipitation, evaporation and condensation recycles our water. And how can things just GROW? We don’t have to break a sweat for any of this. That’s pretty surreal.
Now accepting all of this…what does this mean for MY life? For YOUR life? Is God really out there to help US?
The day I felt Him
With all these distractions, I do believe it’s hard for us to recognize and feel the real thing that IS God.
I believe many times you have to get to a lonely place to feel Him. People aren’t talking about this enough. I was fired from a job I actually liked the same month I signed a year lease. The love of my life (or so I think) is in jail right now. I’m slowly building my financial stability back to where it should be after an eviction, a major credit hit and pay cut, IRS letters, past due bills, bills in collections, two hostile roommate situations back-to-back, a crazy fight with a neighbor who called me a nigger (and of course the cops were called on me), I could go on but let’s stop here.
And this is when I finally began realizing someone is looking out for me. Because any of these situations could’ve ruined me. I believe all of that was for me to have this precise moment with Him. Looking back in my journal it happened on April 14. I sat in my apartment in silence. The same apartment I thought I was going to lose after being fired. Months later I’m still here. And I wondered how!? Why!? And I felt Him. It was all for that moment. He let me know “I got you, just keep working.”
It was the most liberating and terrifying experience of bodily emotions I’ve ever felt. And I want us all to feel THAT instead of the feeling likes on Instagram gives us. That moment alone with God is necessary. Ask Him the questions you need to. He will answer you but you have to be tuned in or you’ll miss it. Now I definitely still struggle to decipher what’s from Him and what’s “coincidental” I guess. But, developing your unique relationship with Him will show you patterns of His guidance in your life. He speaks to all of us differently but in ways we WILL feel. Then broadcast THAT for the world to see. I believe it make all the difference. You’ll no longer care what others think because you’re not living for them anymore. You’re living for your purpose.
Is God REAL?
Like I said earlier, the human experience won’t give us all the answers. Maybe this stuff is true and just maybe it’s not. But don’t think about that fact so much. Where do you want to be when you do find out the truth? A nonbeliever who has that revelation too late or a believer all along. I don’t why specifically but there’s a reason people of all races and backgrounds believe in a Higher Power and it accounts for why there’s still so many good people in the world in the midst of chaos and hatred. We are God through one another and we could never make it alone.
So be YOU for God’s sake!